Breaking The Habit
by mayfair22
Summary: Yes! Diary, I have decided. I'm going to tell Derek Venturi that I'm in love with him. But the fact remains that life never does turn out the way we want it. Casey centric. On hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Another multi chapter fic, while I still haven't finished the other stories...but bare with me...I am trying a Casey centric for the first time...and I promise to get back to the others real soon.

ummm also my friend Swordslien has been almost 'been there done that' with most of the incidents in this fic...I have just taken the liberty to make them more fun and improvised and in character with Dasey....i hope you like it...

Disclaimer: I had threatened and begged but all in vain.

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_The walls are closing in…and she stares almost animatedly at the closed elevator door. Till she actually realizes that its closed and he has gone… suddenly… because he was right here….almost instinctively she presses 1 on her cell phone and listens to the ring go off on the other end…and perhaps if she hadn't been feeling so claustrophobic, she would have taken time to explain how he had gotten on her speed dial…_

"_Allo…?" he picks up on the 8__th__ ring…and he sounds sleepy but his voice is all too clear…almost as if he is right there behind her, whispering right in her ear….and all the other sounds seem to be drowning off.._

"_De-rek…how could you leave me here? I told you to wait for me. Didn't I? But you're such a jerk. You left and you know I hate small places. You assho…"_

"_Casey?"_

"_Who else, you bastard? Why did you leave?" she can't even see the elevator door anymore…it's getting fainter and fainter by the minute…._

"_Are you having a dream Casey?" and his voice is really too close, "because it's like…" he pauses as if to check the time, while she does the same and brings her wrist close to her face._

"_Four fifteen" they say in unison._

"_AM!" Derek adds._

And her eyes snap open. She is lying on her bed in her dorm room, her phone pressed to her ear…

And Derek is still on the other line…

She had called him up in the middle of a dream…_fuck_

"uh…I guess I was having a dream.."

Derek chuckles at the other end and Casey could swear that it was the most irritating sound. Ever.

"Casey, Casey, Casey, you are having a dream _about me. _Wait till everyone hears about this."

"And you actually woke up at 4 in the morning to answer my call. Wait till everyone hears this one." She snaps and hangs up.

_Idiot._

But the damage was done.

She switches on her bedside lamp and takes out her dream diary.

_Dear Diary,_

_I had a dream about Derek. Again. Except that this time I even landed up calling him up in the middle of it. So now he knows that I have been dreaming about him. If that doesn't bloat his already inflated ego, I don't know what will._

_What do I do? I really do need to stop dreaming about him. This was the 4__th__ time in this week alone and you already have the records of all the weeks that have preceded this one._

_But you know what? This one was different, here he kind of had disappeared suddenly and I had been shit scared. I wonder if there is some kind of meaning to that. Oh! Diary I hope not. This is really not what I need a night before I decide to tell him about my feelings._

_Yes! Diary, I have decided. I am going to do it tomorrow and I am going to be all romantic about it. Fancy restaurant and all. _

_I'm going to tell Derek Venturi that I'm in love with him._

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Derek Venturi has one weakness and Casey Mcdonald knows just when to take advantage of it.

"No Derek, you wouldn't have to pay for a thing." She emphasizes for the tenth time.

"I'll pay for everything. I promise." she repeats.

"But why The Blue Mosaic? Its expensive and they have that awful music playing…"

"De-rek. That's Jazz and it's beautiful. And don't worry about the expenses…I'll take the tab…I'll even pay for your parking. Just come on time."

Casey waited with bated breath as Derek took his time making his decision and if it wasn't for the fact that they were having this conversation on the phone she would have done something like shake him enough to rattle a 'yes. I'll be there…'. That was the extent of her nervousness…

"I get extra desert…." Pat comes the reply.

Casey rolls her eyes. _Was she seriously in love with him._

"Yeah…yeah sure…and double round of that scotch or whatever."

"hmmm…." Derek mumbles. _Is he still contemplating?_

"Derek. It ultimately means that you get to eat and drink for free…." _Maybe he hasn't registered it in yet…_

"yeah…yeah… that's why I am scared…what's the catch?"

"De-rek! There is no catch…this may come as a surprise to you but some people are not as contriving as you."

"Says the girl who pretended not to know how to dance so she could get _extra _help from the dance instructor…"

"De-rek, that was almost a year ago…and I did that because _you _advised me on it…"

Derek chuckled at the other end, "yeah I may have forgotten to mention that he was gay…"

"Like how you forgot to mention that he had hit on you before…"

"Oh c'mon Princess…I can't help it if nobody can resist the charms of me…"

"Whatever!" she was half surprised that how five years with Derek had not gotten her a squint till now. With all the eye rolling she did around him...(And all that _look anywhere but at his lips…_life with him was tough..)

"Fine Princess. I'll come…"

Thank God.

"Good…and Derek?"

"What now?"

"Dress nicely..," _she really needs this to be perfect…._

"What? Tux and all? Are you inviting me to a funeral…?"

"No. No. Not a Tux but something in your wardrobe which doesn't smell of your hockey sweat…" (She doesn't think its necessary to mention that she has his hockey sweatshirt in her own wardrobe….those are just minor details after all…)

"Please" she plays it down and dirty this time…because_ this_ if nothing else is ought to work…

"Fine. I'll see you at eight…"

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There is a difference in a dream date and a date. In a dream date she sees herself confident and poised and ravishing and Derek is in black trousers and white dinner jacket and has presented her with blue orchids and she is laughing at all his jokes and he is discussing books and movies with her. And there is violin playing in the background and the food is just perfect, and the wine makes her a little intoxicated and he offers to drive her back and she invites him for a night cap, but he politely refuses and then whispers in her ears that he would come up the next time, when she wasn't that drunk…because he doesn't want to take _advantage _of her. (And she realizes that she has been reading far too many Mills&Boons )

And then they are dates which ultimately come down to Derek being late, she having spilled water on her dress as she waits for him, (just why won't her hands stop shaking?). the waiter coughing pointedly and asking her if she was sure that they shouldn't just dress the table for one…._screw the blue mosaic…why hadn't she called him to the neighborhood diner instead…_

And then he shows up. Grinning. (As if he thinks that smile would make her less angry. It does.)

And even though it's not a dinner jacket or a tuxedo it's a nice crisp white shirt and a (strangely) clean pair of jeans.

And it would do.

"Sorry Princess. Got caught up." He says sliding in opposite her. "So shoot…why exactly are we here?"

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AN...How was it? please review. And another thing, if it doesn't seem too angsty yet, don't worry...loads of angst and cliches to come up in the later chapters.....Reviews....please (it works for Casey afterall)


	2. Chapter 2

AN: First of all thanks to bsloths for beta reading this chapter for me. Who knew a comma had a use after all? :)LOL…Hopefully, she would be going through my other updates as well…

In the last chapter our favorite characters were at The Blue Mosaic…I have just continued from there.

Disclaimer: I had begged and threatened. But all in vain.

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"Sorry Princess. Got caught up," he says, sliding in opposite her. "So shoot…Why exactly are we here?"

"Uhh.." _Oh my God…This is it…_"Why don't you order something first?"

"Okaaayyyy," Derek draws out with a little uncertainty as he looks closely at her. "Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yeah...Yeah…Sure. I'm fine. Why shouldn't I be? I'm okay. Splendid actually. Really groovy. Haven't felt better." _Don't look at me like that_.

_And seriously she needs to calm down._

"Okay. Relax. You're squeaky and shaking and using too many words."

_So he has noticed the nervousness. The shaking of the hands and the big water stain on her dress. He was bound to know what is going on because he did have an uncanny habit of being telepathic with her. He's going to laugh at her and think she is an idiot and Oh! God he looks so amazing in white…_

"And I think you're even blushing."

"Bbblushing?"Casey instinctively puts her hand on her burning cheeks, "it must be the heat."

"Heat? Knowing how self absorbed you can be, I'm guessing here that you have overlooked the fact that this is January and we kind of live in Canada, which if you haven't noticed is a fairly cold country."

"Uh…I guess I'm just not feeling too well then. I'll get some water." _And what had happened to all those practice sessions in front of the mirror? _

"Sure." Derek looks at her suspiciously as Casey motions the waiter to get her a glass of water.

Several minutes and several glasses of water later (which includes several disbelieving glances from the nearby tables and several chuckles from Derek) Casey still hasn't gotten to the point.

"Casey, that's like your seventh glass of water," Derek points out, absently stirring his scotch glass. "Are you _now_ ready to tell me why we're here? Anything, except that you made me come here just to listen to that awful music, will do."

She doesn't even have the heart to tell him that Jazz was not 'that awful music'…she takes her final sip, looks straight at him and …

"Oh God, what am I doing?" Yes, banging her head down on the table does seem like the 'it' thing to do at the moment…._this was such a big mistake. He doesn't feel the same way. He was going to make fun. Where exactly is the exit door?_

Derek gently pulls her head up and holds her hand, "Tell me."

She looks up at him and just something in the way he's looking at her and the way her hand is gently pressed into his, tells her that whatever happens, Derek isn't going to laugh at her.

Later? Sure. But not now.

For the moment that is enough to reassure her.

"Okay…here's the thing. Before I tell you anything you have to promise me that whatever the consequence of this, it will not change anything between us."

She did have a promise list which started with something like… 'disappear from the face of the planet'…but for some screwed up reason all she remembers at the moment is that she would not trade his cockiness for anything in the world… _except for that agonizing all knowing smirk…wish that would disappear. _

"You want me to sign a contract?"

"No." She smiles. "Just a simple 'I promise' will do…"

Derek shrugs, "I promise…"

"But…" she begins.

"But what?" He cuts in.

"You didn't cross your heart." The expression on Derek's face tells her to shut up…

"So…well…uh…"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Derek. I'm in love with you," she blurts out. _Go girl._

"What? Come again?" And for sure that must be a rhetorical question because he suddenly draws his hand back, his body shrinking back into his chair.

"I said I love you." _Was that so difficult to understand? Three words. Simple._

"What do you mean by 'love'?" He takes a large swig of the bitter drink in his hand.

Casey rolls her eyes. Again. She definitely is not in the mood to discuss the nuances of the word 'love' with Derek.

"De-rek…Love as in love …like Romeo-Juliet, Brad-Angelina, Sam-Sandra, Mom-Geor…" _whoops…talk about mood killers…_

Derek just looks at her, silently shaking his head, a very bemused Ron Weasley expression on his face, and she would be amused if it wasn't_ her_ heart out on the table

"You do realize we're related." _Seriously? Is he going to use the moral cards on her?_

"And do _you_ realize that we're most definitely _not_ related?"

"But you're Casey…You're just there…Like my best buddy …"

_Buddy? It's enough to make a girl want to throw up. _

"And who do you date, you jerk? Your enemies?"

Derek just sits there…an almost horrified expression on his face…

"You know what? Forget I said anything. You don't feel the same way, which is fine because I hadn't expected you to say yes anyhow… (_She had. She had. She had_). So…uh…don't worry. Stupid of me…Shouldn't have called you here either. Stupid Blue Mosaic. You don't even like Jazz. And this stupid blue dress? I most definitely did not spend hundred dollars on it. I uh…borrowed it from Emily. Because what was the big deal any how…" she knows she is ranting but if she stops talking, she is most definitely going to cry.

"Casey…shhh…" Derek whispers and it's enough to make her shut up. He leans towards her, bringing his thumb forward to wipe away a lone tear… _and when had that let out? Traitor. _

"You have a lot of guts, Case." His one hand is still cupping her cheek while the other makes vague circles on her wrist. "I have never seen anyone come forward with their feelings like this. And seriously speaking…" he leans back a little, smiling at her, "I'm honored. But…" he trails off.

"I understand." (_She doesn't.) _"I just wanted you to know."

"And anyhow," he says, leaning back into his chair _(And her cheek suddenly feels cold. Yeah. January. Canada. She knows it now.)_, "the promise you made me make applies to you as well…nothing changes between us."_(Except that it does.)_

She can't believe that he had taken the biggest confession of her life in the same stride as he would have taken a talk on the weather. She says I love you and all that matters to him is that nothing changes between them? _What were the chances that they would throw her out if she started bawling like a baby?_

But as Derek fixes her with a gaze, a small tentative smile playing on his lips, she knows it (even though the nervous butterflies in her stomach have died to make a lead grave in the pit)…that their friendship is the only thing that does matter at the end of it. _He hasn't laughed at you, you idiot. Not a single snide remark for that matter. What's more, he even had the grace not to say an outright 'No'. _And she knows that he would never rub this 'rejection' in her face.

She smiles gratefully and manages an affirmative before fixing her gaze at the table pattern before he her, (_She really wasn't going to jump for joy, so don't push it) _when Derek interrupts to remind her that he still wants his free meal.

Casey looks up at him in mild exasperation…_Maybe things would remain unchanged._

If only they would have.

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AN: So? How was it? If any of you think that Derek was way too casual about this ...Then I guess my only explanation is that the two have gotten quiet close with time and he's happy with that and wouldn't want to spoil it in any way....He is feeling a little weird about it though... Please review?


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